Zombies vs. Vampires

A statistical study indicates that our pop culture churns out more vampire-related entertainment under Democratic administrations and more zombie stories under Republicans. The implication of the research is that those icons act as archetypes for each party.

Naturally, as a Republican I’m suspicious of “scientists” and the conclusions they draw from their so-called “research.” To determine whether these horror themes make sense as symbols of our political parties I think we should, as always, rely on a test of the gut level truthiness of those assumptions.

Are vampires a good metaphor for Democrats? Vampires aren’t all that interested in family life. You won’t find many in the suburbs. They’re worldly, well-spoken, and always have a lot of nice stuff, but none them seem to have a job. They seldom join the military. Their church attendance is erratic at best and they are extremely uncomfortable with expressions of faith. They tend to carry a metrosexual vibe; you don’t run into a lot of burly, flannel-wearing vampires.

Vampires can’t stand to see their own image accurately reflected and can’t cooperate with each other in more than a superficial way. And of course, they survive by draining the lifeblood from other creatures.

Hmmm…I don’t know.

On the other hand, do zombies represent a persuasive symbol for Republicans? Zombies clump together in groups. They work very hard, but they don’t seem to know why. The drooling undead are single-minded, absolutely determined, and extremely volatile. None of them are vegetarians. They are unreasonable and make lousy listeners. They have no apparent sex life, but you never seem to run out of them. They are dead inside and don’t know it.

Zombies are gullible and easy to outwit, but won’t ever stop attacking and never seem to be entirely defeated. Oh, and they want to eat your brain.

No, that comparison doesn’t really fit either.

These shabby attempts to tie political significance to cultural trends are generally a waste of time and this one is no exception. Granted, any sensible person would leave their wallet and other valuables at home before attending an Occupy Wall Street demonstration. You wouldn’t wander into a crowd of those folks looking like you had something someone else could use. But, vampires?

And sure, the last thing you’d want to flash at a Tea Party Rally is a big, fat, juicy brain. Listening to those bizarre lectures on the 10th Amendment can make you pray for someone to scoop your brainpan clean, but that doesn’t mean it will happen. At least, probably not.

Does the research prove that zombies and vampires are archetypes of the two parties? The suggestion is as ridiculous as “Global Warming.”

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